How To Ask Someone To Be Your Queerplatonic Partner
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Bearding asked:
How practise I ask someone to be in a queer-platonic relationship?
My personal opinion is that handling this can go a few ways. I'm only gonna lay out a bones structure for working out what feels correct to you.
- Consider what a queerplatonic relationship is to you, and what you lot want out of it. Maybe write down, draw, or just think most the things yous're looking for and why, including the level of commitment and intimacy, the physical acts, emotional acts, etc. Work out where your boundaries are, and what specifically you want.
- Lay out how this is different from a friendship, or if information technology'due south dissimilar from a friendship. Is it just the feelings involved? The commitment and intimacy? The acts? Too be sure to consider whether you need this new kind of relationship with them, label included, and whether you tin be friends with this person even if they turn y'all downward.
If it's not dissimilar from a regular friendship, to you, this is where you should weigh your options:
- Pursue a regular friendship with this person without fifty-fifty bringing it up, or:
- Tell them you'd like to use this characterization/be friends in this way, simply don't ask for changes in your friendship except peradventure a goal in how close you'd like to exist with them.
- If it IS dissimilar from a regular friendship, approach the person about changing the direction of the relationship. Y'all accept options here, besides:
- Use a graphic someone's made, similar this one (link). You lot can find these just by googling "queerplatonic asking form", if that i'south non your speed. Make sure you give them some heads-up and farther caption, at the very least- particularly if they don't already know what a QPR is. Also ensure they have time to call up about it on their ain.
- Have a sit down-down conversation with the person nearly where you're at at present, where you want to be, what information technology means, what it entails, and why. Explicate all of the stuff you've considered, and make sure you offer to give them some time to think almost it on their own. Go some feedback, give them room to fix boundaries and condolement levels, and work out the path forward together.
Hopefully this helps, and skillful luck!
- Face up
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Anonymous asked:
howdy ! is information technology incorrect for an adult and a minor to be qpps ? im sixteen and my friend is 19 and i wanna be their qpp but idk if thats bad or not since it would nonetheless exist a relationship but not a romantic/sexual one ;;
I don't recollect it's inherently wrong to have a close human relationship with someone older or younger than yourself, but you practice need to be enlightened of the age gap, and any power imbalances that might come with it.
But ensure that you both feel comfy communicating with and respecting each other, and that you're both fully capable of bringing up any issues you have with each other in a good for you manner. Make certain y'all're both totally respectful of the other's concerns, and you're both working to keep the other safe and healthy.
This stuff goes for any human relationship, merely information technology'southward particularly important here.
Don't permit yourself exist ignored or spoken over. Don't permit your needs get brushed aside. Equally long every bit your partner is mindful and conscious of this, and works to bear witness yous respect and make sure you lot're both equal in the relationship, I recollect you'll be okay.
If you experience like you tin can't come to this person with problems– if you lot experience like they won't listen to criticism and piece of work to ensure your happiness, health, and safety in a friendship (let alone a qpr)– I suggest fixing that with them before yous start a qpr.
TL;DR: Information technology's not bad, and information technology doesn't brand you bad. But y'all should exist careful, and every bit with any relationship, ensure it'southward a totally healthy and equal i before you move toward more commitment and intimacy.
-Face
Bearding asked:
so there'due south this person i know and i kind of wish nosotros could be in a qpr i guess? i hateful nosotros're "platonically married", tell each others i love you on a daily ground and stuff similar that but i tin't bring myself to ask them,, i'm not even sure that they love me every bit much as i love them?? and i only know them in virtual life then even tho i know there's a "form" to ask people to be your qpp but it's mostly based on contact and things like that so i tin can't actually apply that either OTL i don't know what to do..
If you're really hooked on sending them a form to fill up out, I would suggest editing the form, or creating an entirely new one with the existing class as a foundation, to fit the needs of an online relationship.
If not, my communication is only to write out all of the things you want this person to understand- how yous feel the relationship is now, how y'all desire it to change, and why- and sit down them downward for a conversation most it. Allow a productive discussion most each of your perceptions, wants, and needs, and figure out from there what kinds of changes you can and desire to make.
It's hard to have conversation similar this, and I know from feel how anxiety-inducing it can exist, just it's important to communicate directly, clearly, and productively with everyone in your life. If you don't talk to them near it, in that location'south no real mode for annihilation to change for the meliorate. And trust me; once you exercise, you'll both feel a lot improve most the situation.
Skillful luck!
-Face
Anonymous asked:
I'k aromatic and recently constitute out one of my friends has a shell on me. We've talked most it and it everything concluded on a good notation, and currently we're but friends. Thing is, I'm fine with the idea or existence in a relationship (romantic and queer-platonic). I've even considered asking them well-nigh it, but I'g worried virtually starting a relationship. While I do beloved them, it's in a different way. If I did enquire them to be in a qp human relationship, how would I go about it?
Hm… I think that'southward something yous'd take to have more of a sit-downwardly conversation with them for. QPRs vary a lot depending on the people in them, and you'd probably want to work out with them what information technology means for yous to be in one, and what it'd mean for them. It might feel kind of awkward to talk about it all right off the bat, but it's of import to at least have some understanding of what you're asking and what that kind of relationship volition look similar to both of you.
Yous might want to get-go off past asking them if they know what information technology is, explaining to them what it means to you, and request them if that sounds similar something they'd want to try with y'all. Make sure you're evaluating why you lot're considering it, and that it's a good reason; non simply a compromise between how yous both feel, merely something you genuinely want to try with them.
Make sure you understand what it's going to hateful with them, and set up some basic boundaries around what you are and are non okay with (cuddling? kissing? level of intimacy and commitment?). Ensure y'all both experience comfortable communicating with each other about those boundaries as they come up, go, and become immediately relevant, and check in with them to talk about how you're feeling. That'southward largely stuff yous're going to have to work to do continuously down the road, merely it's important to fix that precedent right off the bat.
And if they seem unsure or unclear on what a QPR is, see if you can find some informational resources to send them, or just explain that it'south going to exist different for each person in it- and that'south something you should work out together, to brand certain it works for both of you.
If they turn you down, just think that you're still friends, and you lot notwithstanding care about each other- and ultimately, that's what matters the well-nigh.
Good luck!
- Confront
Anonymous asked:
can a qpr be only ivl? i wish i had one with one of my friends but i don't know them irl and we might never see each others and then i feel weird (likewise the just request class for qprs that i saw focused a lot on stuff that tin be done irl and so i can't utilize it)
Of grade! Any human relationship can be online-merely; it's not conventional, and y'all should obviously employ regular internet prophylactic, simply it's non inherently wrong or bottom than any in-person relationship.
If you want to apply a request class, maybe use an existing one as a template, but revamp it with some of the means you lot show amore online! There are a lot of tools people utilise to limited affection that get beyond physical intimacy, including words of affidavit, gifts, acts of service, and quality fourth dimension- you can actually read up on the "5 honey languages" theory and take a quiz on what applies to you hither (link).
Skillful luck! <three
-Face
Anonymous asked:
i take a squish on someone and i actually dearest them (totally platonically merely they're probably one of the most important persons for me) and i wish i had the courage to tell them and all bit i'm way also shy and i accept no idea how i could explain that,,
Well, you could endeavour this queerplatonic partner request class (link)- you can also merely mark out the "queer" there if you lot experience the label doesn't fit.
I'd also recommend earthworks upwardly some educational resources on the subject, and explaining to them what information technology means in full general, to you specifically, and in regards to your human relationship. If you desire changes, talk to them about which; if you don't, make that clear.
It's a tough conversation to open up, simply if you feel it'south important, it could really be worth it in the long run. And once you have it, y'all'll feel a lot improve about your relationship with this person, likewise!
Good luck!
-Face up
Anonymous asked:
If im an ace lesbian and my all-time friend/platonic soulmate/favorite reason to alive is a gay boy, and nosotros caress, hold hands, etc but have no romantic feelings for each other, is it all the same a queerplatonic relationship? Or are qprs just for aromantic peeps? Or is information technology not technically a -queer- platonic relationship because it contains a boy and a girl?
"queerplatonic" as a term was created past/for aros, but it can exist used past anyone so long as the individual/south experience it fits them/the relationship.
The signal of the term is to describe a nonsexual, nonromantic, committed, and platonic relationship. If your's fits the bill, I don't see why you shouldn't use the word!
Besides, a "queer" human relationship can admittedly be had betwixt a male child and a girl; "straight" or "het" relationships are between two straight people, not necessarily between two queer or otherwise MOGAI people. Unless you lot both feel inclined to and comfy with describing the relationship every bit straight, there's no reason anyone should be imposing that characterization on you.
Anyhow, I promise this helps, and I'thousand happy you two are in such a positive relationship together! :)
-Face
Every time a mail on queerplatonic relationships makes its way effectually tumblr, the comments are inevitably filled with a flood of "Information technology'S CALLED FRIENDSHIP" or "WHY DO You Need A WORD FOR THIS."
Do you honestly recollect club regards friendship as an acceptable substitute for romance and marriage? The thing is, most aros would LOVE if information technology could just be chosen friendship.
Considering that would mean a earth where:
- Friendships are considered equal to or sometimes *SHOCK HORROR* more of import than romantic relationships. This is not an infrequent occurrence.
- Romantic partners know that they might non be their datemate'due south About Important Person and are not bothered by this.
- People normally programme major life events effectually their friends up to and including housing, finances, employment, ect.
- It is mutual for people to be in their 30s, 40s, 50s, hell even old historic period having lived with friends that entire time and no ane has ever asked them why they're not married.
- It is common for people to have a committed lifelong partnership with their friend and no one bats an centre.
- Having a life friend is considered something that can be regarded as every bit close to union. It is as well taken just as seriously.
Until the day that those are truthful, friendship is unfortunately not an authentic word to convey the types of relationships nosotros're talking virtually.
Bearding asked:
is it okay for me to exist aroace and withal be dating someone? we're dating "platonically" considering i'one thousand aro and they're "bad at romance" merely i wouldn't mind doing romantic stuff? if that makes sense? the only thing i know is that i love them very much,,
Of class it'south okay!
That honestly sounds a lot similar a QPR (Queer/Quasiplatonic Relationship); QPRs tend to be a little different for everyone, merely the ground is that you're in a very close, committed human relationship based on platonic feelings, rather than romantic. QPPs also tend to do more than "romantic" things with each other than strictly platonic friends might- like kissing or going on dates- simply the actions themselves generally don't come with romantic feelings/attraction/intent, like they might in a romantic relationship.
I also definitely believe that "honey" is something that exists regardless of attraction. I've written more extensively near information technology before hither (link), but the essence of information technology is that dear is a feeling of caring that is, at a base of operations level, not inherently different between people (of form there'south differences in relationships and why you love that person and feelings associated with that, though). It'southward attraction that often sparks or drives a relationship, but dearest is what comes later on as a result of pursuing that initial attraction (or whatever else started the relationship), and forming a real human relationship with the person/coming to care nearly them as an individual.
That may not exist what yous mean when you say y'all "love them very much", just it seems possible to me that what you lot're describing is caring for them a lot, and wanting intimacy with them because of that– which may not even be inherently romantic to yous, but rather an expression of love and intimacy.
That'southward my estimate, though, from reading an anonymous snippet of what'due south going on. You lot know much better than I do whether whatsoever of this applies.
If you lot do call up you're romantically attracted to them, just know that it'south okay! Information technology's okay to change your label, and information technology doesn't invalidate your previous identity or experiences. Information technology's okay to be aromantic, but with an exception. It's okay to exist gray-aromantic, and it tin can still mean you were aromantic for the time you were, and you tin still call yourself "aro" and fifty-fifty "aroace", if you think it fits. It's okay, and you're valid. Nobody will arraign you for irresolute, and orientations are fluid.
Proficient luck, and I hoped this helped you some!
-Face
Anonymous asked:
Hey. I have no problem with romance. I sing forth to some songs virtually love, transport characters, like the thought of it, etc. Yet, I don't know if I'd similar to participate in it myself. Information technology'southward uncomfortable. I have a beat?/squish? (I'yard unsure) on a girl, just the idea of a human relationship or getting married I'thousand kinda iffy about. I can't imagine kissing her. Marrying her.. possibly. I remember I'd much rather exist in a nonromantic relationship. Information technology'south much more comfy?? Is there a label that matches this?
That sounds a lot like queer/quasiplatonic!
A lot of aros have intimate/committed relationships with people based on things aside from romance; like platonic attraction, or queer/quasiplatonic attraction, other types of attraction (like sensual, artful, sometimes a combination), or just wanting that with a close friend.
Queer/quasiplatonic attraction is unremarkably described as being "somewhere in-between romantic and ideal attraction", or a combination of the ii, or just much more committed/intimate platonic attraction, depending on the person.
It could as well be a lot of other things- I personally have this kind of struggle, and concluded up deciding that I like the idea of relationships and I like exploring it, because it allows for emotional vulnerability and catharsis in a way that doesn't put me in whatever sort of danger. But I don't desire to be in a relationship myself, considering it'due south uncomfortable for me, no thing how much the idea appeals to me. I just never feel comfortable when I'thou really in those situations.
That'southward but my experience, though. It could very well be different for yous.
Good luck!
-Face
Anonymous asked:
is the a-spec-chatular discord however open? your most recent post most information technology has a working invite, but it's likewise from 2018
Yeah! This web log is fairly expressionless and buying of the server has changed, but it's still open, still active, and definitely even so a dandy server tbh!
Source: https://a-spec-tacular.tumblr.com/post/166475301059/how-do-i-ask-someone-to-be-in-a-queer-platonic
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